My life is a rollercoaster, and I’m not the biggest fan of rollercoasters :/

Well, it’s been a little while since my last post. The title probably overstates recent events a little. On the whole, things have been very good. Especially going away for 10 days with Peter. Tiredness occasionally led to frayed tempers, but on the whole a thoroughly enjoyable time was had by all. I even came back in the mood for pressing on with work.
A slight dip came on returning to find that, contrary to my expectations, a week of activity and walking had not produced the desired reduction in my weight. That ongoing battle I have with myself. I therefore decided that the most sensible thing to do would be to finally accept that my days in skinny jeans were numbered, and invest in a more suitable, baggier pair. Which I did. Swiftly followed by another, more significant dip when the new size 12 baggy jeans arrived and I tried them on to find they could barely contain my thighs let alone my bun 😦 That was a dark moment. The jeans were straight back in the bag and I am waiting for them to be collected and returned as I write. So once again I return to food obsession and self loathing. I have been recording what I eat for 4 days now, which always helps me reduce how much I eat. The first day or so was difficult, refamiliarising my body with hunger and how to deal with it. Pepsi is once again my best friend, filling me up when I’m tempted by carbs. I know this sounds awfully like eating disorder teritory, but I’ve done this before and I’ve always been slightly predisposed to that way of thinking anyway. The best part is, it’s paying off already. I must add, I have done exercise and nightly sit-ups alongside my calorie restriction. From 11 stone 2 or 3 pounds when I returned from holiday last weekend, I have weighed in at 10 stone 13 two mornings in a row now. It’s only slightly below 11 stone, but that one pound makes all the difference to how I feel about myself at the moment. I hope I can keep this up. I’m aiming for 10 stone 8 by the end of the month, that’s only 5 pounds in just over 2 weeks. Surely I can manage that! Fingers crossed.
Oddly, while I am less unhappy with the way I look today, and managing to make some reasonable progress on the work from, I have felt on the verge of tears for a large part of the morning, and I really don’t know why. It may just be tiredness, not that that’s a fantastic excuse. Not sure if it’s better to get it out and hope I can get on with the day afterwards, or to hold it back and hope it isn’t too much of a distraction. We shall see, these things usually find a way out eventually.
love
Betty
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